My wife and I have been married for 12 yrs and have lived in Colorado since before we met each other. When we first got married we discussed moving to MN and agreed at some time that would happen. Looking back this was my first mistake. Had I been less concrete in agreeing to her then, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are now.
I feel like we’ve made no progress as adults and now it seems like it all stems from the fact she’s been waiting to move. If I bring up things like starting a retirement fund she balks, and I never understood why.
We currently rent and our lease is about to expire soon. Considering the housing market and the credits available for first time home buyers I decided to do some research and see if we could buy a home. It appears that we can. When I sat down with my wife and gave her all of the information and asked what she thought she balked. What I mean is she gave me no answer and had no opinion. I decided to press the issue and she finally said it "I have to hope that someday we’re going to move back to Minnesota and buying a house here means we won’t."
I understand early in our marriage this is something we had talked about, but things happened that kept us from moving many years ago and now I feel like this is home. I also feel like she’s harbored this dream for so long that she hasn’t tried to accept where we live as home. Moreover having been back several times over the years I don’t like MN. I feel like if I move there I’ll just be passing time until I die. We have a 10 yr old son which makes the situation much more complicated. I also want him to experience all the great things that Colorado has to offer. He just started snowboarding and mountain biking the last couple of years. As he gets older there will only be more things for him to experience right out his front door.
I hate money to be a factor but it is. We both have really good paying jobs, and it’s highly unlikely that either of us will make what we’re making now in MN. Financially I don’t see how we could move if we both wanted to. At 38 yrs old I’m not really looking to live hand to mouth.
I guess the bottom line is if I move for her I’ll be miserable, and if she stays she’ll be miserable. I’m afraid we’re at an impasse and would really love not to get divorced. But I think it may be the only answer if we can’t find a common ground. Maybe I’m just being selfish, but we only have one life to live and I don’t want to spend it wishing I could do the things I love. I’m sure she doesn’t want to regret not spending more time with her family. If there’s a solution I can’t find it.
Thanks in advance……………………D